Like Marlene Dietrich, I cannot stand incompetence, and
TCM Vault will never have my business again. Here's my story.
On January 18, I went online to order
Pre-Code Double Feature DVD Set (
SKU ID#6445-360560)--the one that features
The Song of Songs--and pre-order
Marlene Dietrich Double Feature: Dishonored & Shanghai Express (DVD) (
SKU ID#6445-364907). While processing my order, the TCM Vault website ran sluggishly, leading me to worry that my order wasn't completing. Indeed, I got a message stating that my order didn't go through. But then I got confirmation emails.
Yes, my order not only went through, it
triplicated, showing 6 items on my order details page. Reading on the TCM Vault site that the customer service hours are from 7am to midnight, I realized that I--the ordering night owl--would have to call in the morning. Thus, when I woke up, I made a call on Jan. 18 at about 8:30am. Let me emphasize that everyone with whom I spoke at 1-888-982-6746 was polite, but
no one seemed capable of performing simple tasks. The customer service agent could not remove the added items on my order and told me she had to submit a "ticket" for TCM Vault's tech people to address, even though nothing had yet shipped.
Well, by the January 19, I got a shipping confirmation email, prompting me to call TCM Vault customer service again (this time just after 7am!). The customer service agent's recommendation was that I print out some packing labels to send the packages back once they had arrived. I thought to myself, "No, that's ridiculous," and asked whether I could refuse the packages. The agent told me the package might just get dropped off at my door,
but I did indeed see that I could refuse the package in the TCM Vault FAQ. That didn't stop TCM Vault (or, more exactly, the company that "powers" them--Delivery Agent, Inc.) from posting 3 pending charges of $59.05 to my account. What a lovely sight to see at the end of the month, when bills are due.
So I had to wait until UPS dropped off the packages at my door at who-knows-what-time-because-I-was-at-work on Jan. 24. Before I even got home, I called up UPS to pick up the packages and called my bank to cancel the unwanted charges. By the way, the charges ended up being less, but--for some odd reason--all the charges were different (one over $30, another about $27, and yet another about $25), even though they were all clearly associated with 3 copies of the same item--the DVD that featured
The Song of Songs. Wondering whether I'd face more complications, I considered doing a giveaway, but the DVD featuring
The Song of Songs isn't worth it. That would be like giving away Madonna's
American Life CD.
Somehow, this mess seemed to get cleared up. UPS picked up the package containing the 2 DVD copies that I did not order, I got Customer Service to cancel the two extra copies of
Marlene Dietrich Double Feature: Dishonored & Shanghai Express in my order details, and the unwanted charges were refunded to my bank account. All I had to do at this point was look forward to receiving my copy of
Marlene Dietrich Double Feature: Dishonored & Shanghai Express, which would become available after Feb. 5.
Now, guess what I found lying in front of my door after I got home from work this evening? The
same package that I had already refused and had UPS pick up. Once again, I had to call TCM Vault, my bank, and UPS to ensure that this mess gets fixed. I was excited about getting the
Dishonored/Shanghai Express DVD because Dishonored is in fact my favorite early American Dietrich movie and--after watching the
The Song of Songs DVD that I had kept--I was expecting high-quality footage. Whether my conjecture is accurate, I won't know anytime soon because I refuse to do business with TCM Vault again. The customer service agent had the nerve to ask me whether I wanted to order the DVD on the phone--but why bother when they can't fix their computer's mistakes, can't stop unwanted shipments, and send back shipments that customers have already refused?
I'll just have to wait until I find it through another vendor. Let me assure you, though, that I will have a royal hissy fit if the Feb. 6 charge of $27.05 doesn't get
fully credited
back to my bank account because the customer service agent
initially said I'd be getting $24.99 back. I will not pay for
OTHERS' shipping errors. In the meantime, I will have to redirect all the emails that TCM sends me to my spam folder. After a over a decade of perfectly smooth business dealings online at Amazon, Ebay, BuyDig, Orbitz, Kayak, and others, I never expected that a vendor specializing in classic films would embody what Dietrich exclaimed in Schell's documentary:
Amateurs!
Edited to add: I should tell you how to refuse a package left at your door by UPS in case you must because the information TCM Vault site and the UPS site give is unclear. My apologies, but I can only assert that this advice applies to the U.S.
1) Call UPS (
1-800-742-5877 aka 1-800-PICK-UPS)
2) Dial "0" because the automated options won't help you.
3) The automated service won't like that you dialed "0" and will repeat automated options.
Dial "0" again.
4) Yay! You should connect to a human being! Now, be sure that you have your tracking number (which should be on the package you wish to refuse) because you will have to give this number to the UPS customer service agent. Within less than a minute, the customer service agents were able to schedule a day for refused packages to be picked up from my doorstep, and I hope the same is possible for you.
Now that summer's upon us, I'd like to make a proposal that none of you should refuse. Instead of trekking across Yosemite, spelunking in Carlsbad Caverns, or zip-lining through the Redwoods, consider roughing it in my camp. There's just one caveat. I've assigned some required reading. Don't worry. You've probably already read this text in an introductory film course, an introductory queer studies course, or an introductory queer film studies course. If none of those apply to you, maybe you've read it elsewhere--Susan Sontag's seminal work, "Notes on 'Camp.'" In case I've offended any of you radical separatist feminists, you ought to leave now because this blog is like a can of Vienna sausages--not that I'm pushing my patriarchal power on you or anything--no, siree! For you less radical or non-separatist feminists, please forgive my male privilege and substitute "ovular" for "seminal." As for you trans-folk, I can never do right by you, so rip me a new one in the comments section.
