28 June 2012

Dial 'M' for Marlene Premieres Tonight!

The (soon-to-be) legendary, lovely Victoria Valentino & Ariane Bellamar
You read that right! Dial 'M' for Marlene premieres tonight at The Flight Theater, which means you should dial (310) 360-7064 for reservations. Check the Facebook page for all the latest updates. Gussie sent me this lovely pre-production photo of Victoria Valentino and Ariane Bellamar, who will be playing Marlene Dietrich and Marilyn Monroe respectively. Of course, I'll let you know later whether they play the two respectfully. Gussie also gave me lots of insider gossip that's a day (or eight) late and a dollar short, but you'll enjoy it nonetheless:

With two new actresses taking over both leading roles, we are working hard to get everything ready for next Thursday's opening night.  Holly Woodlawn has promised to attend, as well as the play's inspiration, Alexis Del Lago.  There may be more colorful costumes in the audience than there are on stage.

Marilyn's wig is being created as we speak.  It will be made of human hair, which has been dipped in natural spring water and left to dry in the southern California sun (for a more natural look).  Authenticity is our goal.  Marlene will have a wood-cutting saw nearby, in case she feels inclined to entertain her guests.

Victoria Valentino is training for this part much as Mary Martin prepared for the role of Maria von Trapp.  We've strapped weights to her feet so that she may lift them alternately, as she yodels, thereby increasing lung power.  Never has an actress in Hollywood been more determined to practice her scales (and it's not even a musical).


  1. I look forward to the show! Ready to be entertained tonight!!!!

  2. I saw the new play, and was very unhappy that Garbo's name only came up a few times, and in the most unflattering tones. Garbo-was not a penny-pincher! She was an astute business woman, and therefore cautious with her money. Poor Miss Garbo cannot be blamed, just because Marlene was unable to live within her means. Perhaps, if she had worked for a different studio, she might have cut better deals, when it came time to renew her contract. "I think that I'll go home to Sweden," seemed to work as an ultimatum for G.G. whenever an impasse with the big studio boss was reached. Unfortunately, Miss Dietrich was unable to use that argument, as a return her homeland became a less viable alternative.

    This new play is fine for those who like Dietrich, but the Garbo fans would be better served watching old re-runs of Mata Hari. And dragging Marilyn Monroe into the equation is no guarantee for success, either. Although Ariane Bellamar looks quite beautiful in her modest array of designer gowns as Marilyn, they are a shameful waste of money and neither Garbo nor Dietrich would have approved of their low cut neck lines. A good turtle-neck to wear over one's bathing suit by the pool, is all a girl needs to remind the public that it was her legs (after all), which made her a star.

    But it is typical of the younger actresses in Hollywood, to shove sex at people in order to have their way. It's not a new trick, but one that never seems to fail.

    However, I digress. How was the play on it's opening night in Hollywood? Oh, it was all right, I suppose, if you like German actresses who only pretend to be humble, when everyone knows that they are the biggest hams in the business.

    1. Gussie, I heard that you were making an utterly ridiculous scene by channeling Louise Brooks and stage-whispering something about "Marlene Dietrich" and "a galloping cow." I know it must sting that no one except Richard Osterweil bothers to pay tribute to Garbo, but learn to contain yourself!