Horseathon: Dietrich's Horsie Movies Pt. 1

In many Marlene Dietrich movies, you’ll find horses, which is why I’m participating at the final hour in My Love of Old Hollywood’s Horseathon. For most of these flicks, I can divide them neatly into the following groups: Westerns, Middle Easterns, and Europeans. Well, it may be a bit messy that I consider The Flame of New Orleans a European, but its setting is just so “frou-frou French”—to borrow Maria Riva’s phrase—that I wouldn’t consider calling it a Western or anything else. Geographically speaking, The Scarlet Empress and Golden Earrings would fit in the third “genre,” but for reasons I’ll explain later, I’m putting them into their own special group: the WTFs.

As is typical of me, I've realized that I can't bridle my ramblings into one post. Consequently, I'll have to submit only the first part of my horse-themed thoughts to the Horseathon and post the second part on a later date. Here, you'll get the Westerns and the Middle Easterns. Later, I promise to give you the Europeans and the WTFs.

Westerns

Beginning with the expected equestrian team, the Westerns, we’ve got Destry Rides Again (1939), The Spoilers (1942), and Rancho Notorious (1952). Horses run amuck in these flicks because they’re the primary mode of transportation for cowboys rounding up cattle, bandits making their getaways, renegades seeking revenge, and floozies keeping their boots clean. Aside from the horseplay, shady schemes propel the plots. In The Spoilers, we’ve got questionable land dealings. In Rancho Notorious, there’s crooked gambling. Destry Rides Again’s got both!

Altar riding through a flashback in Rancho Notorious

If you’re hoping to see Dietrich in the saddle, your best bet is Rancho Notorious. Aside from driving a carriage in a flashback scene, her character Altar Keane dismounts her horse in a scene with Vern Haskell (Arthur Kennedy). Yeah, neither example’s that impressive, but bear in mind that during the second scene, Altar briefly lets down her guard with Vern as well. Altar’s clearly falling in love with him and tries to stifle her attraction by demanding that Vern leave her ranch.

Vern gives Altar a hand

In Destry Rides Again, Dietrich’s character Frenchy also exposes her vulnerable side—by smearing off the pounds of makeup on her mug. Alas, we never see her riding like a cowgirl, but we at least see her dressed like one!

Frenchy's many a cowboy's sweetheart

Cherry doesn't need to take the reins . . .

As for The Spoilers, Dietrich’s character Cherry Malotte sits as passenger in a carriage, but it’s her rival for Roy Glennister’s (John Wayne’s) affections, Helen Chester (Margaret Lindsay), who rides into a scene on a galloping horse, using her feminine wiles to convince Glennister that her judge uncle (Samuel S. Hinds) should decide who owns his mine. Now, let's face the facts. Even if that little filly were riding like Lady Godiva, she still wouldn’t have stolen the leading man let alone the movie from Dietrich, and Miss Helen eventually fades from the picture.

. . . unlike some desperate starlets.

Middle Easterns

The Garden of Allah (1936) and Kismet (1944), two of my least favorite Dietrich movies, fill this section, and I watched them just for you. What is it about beige desert sands that inspire motion picture studios to film in Technicolor?

Boris & Domini in jodhpurs. Who wore them better?

In The Garden of Allah, Dietrich plays a pious heiress with the ungodly name Domini Enfilden. Little did Dietrich know that this turkey helped usher in her vulgaris aerae, when she became box office poison. Anyway, holy Domini happens to be a seasoned equestrian who goes on morning rides. When we see her with lapsed monk Boris Androvsky (Charles Boyer), she stuns us in a pair of jodhpurs. According to TCM, they're at the Oasis of the City Azur, but there are so many bloody oases in this movie that I can't catch their names whenever the international cast mangles them.

Is Domini mad-dogging that horse to make sure it stays still?

For those of you who enjoy lady jockeys, this movie will please you. We see Domini feeding horses and sitting on horses, but those shots of Miss Enfilden riding across the sands are a ruse. Maria Riva wrote in her biography, Marlene Dietrich, that her mother Dietrich considered horses fit only for racetracks and riding them a waste of time. Thus, a stunt woman substituted for Dietrich for most tasks, even mounting. According to Maria, when Dietrich did perform her limited repartee of equestrian skills, such as sitting on or dismounting a still horse, she used her "Prussian officer" stare to make her steed submit.

Now, because I must, I'll cover Kismet. There's lots of horse riding throughout a flick that should have been a barn sour, but I'll focus on the end, which is when we see Dietrich's character Jamilla on horseback. At this point, Hafiz (Ronald Colman) is with Jamilla, Hafiz's daughter Marsinah (Joy Ann Page) is with the Caliph (James Craig), and Jamilla's portly spouse (Edward Arnold)--a  wicked Grand Vizier in the same tradition as Aladdin's Jafar--is dead.

Hafiz, who happens to be the King of Beggars, receives a lenient sentence for attempting to assassinate the Caliph. He's exiled from Baghdad to reign as prince of Hasir, the imaginary land that he pretended to rule earlier in the movie. He couldn't be happier, though, because he leaves with his beloved Jamilla. As our Macedonian in Baghdad states, “Where wishes are horses, beggars can ride," and they sure look regal doing it!

See? Hafiz and Jamilla are quite fetching.

Here's a close-up.

With that, I end part one of my Marelene musings. When I feel a little less bow-legged, I'll carry on with the movies that I group as Europeans and WTFs. Happy Horseathon!